I See Beauty

I woke last night with a woman over me.
I love her, of course.

Silly, stupid love.  
I see beauty and I fall.

Stone and mortar to waves.
Walls that I cannot breach, 
gaps that cannot be filled.

I sit, and analyze my state.
Obviously in need of affection,
a child attempting to connect 
in any way possible
with others.  

He is irrationally attached to everything 
he can perceive as beautiful.  
There's the other one, 
of course.  

Mother and lover, 
intimate protector provider.  

Silly, stupid love.  
I see beauty and I fall.  

Birds seeking winter-ravaged nests.
Perceptions of a child in a man's body. 
Forbiddings of a man in a child's heart.  

I know I cannot reach, 
know that should I reach I should fail, 
know that should I succeed, 
I fail more fully, 
yet I cannot resist the pull, 
cannot forget the warmth of an embrace, 
and the seeming love of a smile.  

I will never age.  
That is my curse and boon.  
I will always see with the eyes of this child,
will always fall in love with the beauty and bounty of the world,
will always wonder that it can't be mine.

I am old.
Was never young, 
never played the games of childhood, 
knew my place and duty, 
understood pain but never joy.  

Double man not a man.  

Silly, stupid love.  
I saw hatred and I fell.