The Computer Programmer's Guide to Child-rearing


section 53 Understanding why the child cries

  • In general, children have a complex pattern recognition system. This is similar to the "regular expression" pattern-matching systems in some modern programming languages. Now, we know that Regex systems often have a method of tagging an input string-pattern for processing that will occur in the middle of the pattern recognition process. There is generally also a method for collecting the information at the end of the process. The first type of situation is occasionally used to change the way in which the string is parsed by the system. These patterns are normally major events, and easily discernible. The second type is that which is most likely the cause of unknown crying, as a combination of events or elements in the child-sub-process will often generate a child-fault error. In children, the process of connecting an idea or action with a pattern is called variously "identification" or "association." Debugging the system is generally accomplished with a clean diaper and/or a soother. Hopefully a more intelligent debugging system, preferably automatic, will be developed in the near future.

section 62 Teaching Children, OOP or Procedural

  • The entire question of Object-oriented consciousness in children has been blown way out of proportion. It is perfectly possible to train a child solely through Pavlovian stimuli-response programming. Furthermore, it avoids the compliance issue, where children programmed with object oriented behaviour tend to be more docile and easily controlled. Object-orientation is just a plot by the software companies to sell compilers. On the other hand, if your child doesn't comply with the standards, they are likely to be shut out of the development loop, so you will likely have to use object-programming anyway.

section 70 Expert training

  • One of the most effective child-programming methods, expert systems use the in-built neural net of the child processor to train the system for complex tasks. The process builds information gradually, using previously gleaned rules as the base for new rules. The system responds strongly to data that is unfamiliar, or unexpected, and is forced to reconfigure itself in order to accommodate the information.
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Document Name: tb.percept.trident.throw.htm
Copyright (c) 1997 -- Mike Fletcher
Reproduction for other than personal use prohibited without express written permission from the author.